By special request from libbygirl, I bring to you Great Mom Mondays. This is the post where I tell you something fantastic that I have done/am doing for my Sweet Baby James or my wonderful husband Toby.

This week's "Great Mom Award" is given to me for feeding my family healthy foods. It is such a thrill to me that my 16 month old child can't get enough fruit and veggies every day. This spring I planted a garden and just picked my very first zucchini on Saturday. With a dash of olive oil, salt and pepper, fresh garlic, basil, topped with cheese, the zucchini baked very nicely. James and I (and even Toby!) couldn't get over how yummy it was!

In an attempt to A) blog more and B) be real, I present to you a little something called FAIL! Fridays. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, although you probably thought that I am the most perfect parent in the entire world (sarcasm is dripping here, in case you didn't catch it), actually I mess up quite a bit. And not just in a "Oh, I forgot to starch that pair of jeans when I ironed every piece of laundry" kind of fail. I'm talking about failing on a bigger, much funnier scale.

Like the time when Sweet Baby James was 11 months old and I didn't yet realize how long his arms were. The boy could reach things on the kitchen table that were not on the edge. Did I know this? Nope. So I left a (cold) cup of coffee on the table.

James picked it up, walked down the hall to the office where I was busy typing and talking on the cell phone. I turn around to see him chugging the coffee. So instead of being the rational, calm Mama who handles the situation well, I excitedly say "JAMES AARON!" which causes my child to throw the coffee cup across the room, meaning the rest of the coffee then had to be scrubbed out of my beige carpet.

And in case you are wondering, he did bounce of the walls and it was a nightmare to get him to sleep that night.

Like I said yesterday, I desire to work in order to pay off my mortgage quicker. But I'm not willing to spend a lot of time away from my Sweet Baby James. And paying babysitters to watch your kid while you work is EXPENSIVE! [Can I hear an amen?]

So what to do?

Here are some jobs I've tried in the past/am currently trying. This is not an exhaustive list of job opportunities, by any means, but it may be of some help to you.

Mary Kay Consultant - I used to be active in the Mary Kay company before mommyhood. It was a great job. Really! It was super easy to make $100/hour and it was fun to go have girl-time and laughter while making money. My biggest reasons for not continuing is that A) I don't want to be away from my son and husband at night and that was my best time to do parties B) I'm not taking care of my skin anymore and it shows. Mentally, I can't imagine trying to tell women they should take care of themselves when clearly I am not doing it myself. Rather sad, yes?

Day Care Worker - Working at Kids 1st was a blast. I worked there until my due date and contemplated working there after James' birth. But there are a few foreseeable problems with this. The first is that although they are INCREDIBLY GENEROUS to allow employees to take breaks every 2 hours to breastfeed, it has to be scheduled. And my child wanted to nurse more often than that. If you feel that nursing on demand is important, well tough luck sister. Cloth diapering would not have been possible either since licensed daycare facilities don't do it. Also, if I would've stayed there in my spot in the 2's room, I would've spent the entire day looking out my door across the hall to the baby room where my son would be. Not actually getting to bond with him, just looking at him from a distance. Not fun. Financially it wouldn't have helped me much because HALF of my paycheck would have gone BACK to the daycare. (Yes, they charge the employees for using the daycare.)

Nannying/Babysitting - This is by far my favorite job. Since the birth of James I have nannied for 2 different families. This can be tricky because it's a big relationship between you, your child, the children you babysit and the parents of the child you babysit. There's a TON of factors to consider, such as: How many kids can you realistically watch including your own? Does your child's personality mesh well with the other children? How many hours a week are you comfortable working and how many hours do the parents need? Where are you going to babysit, in your own home or theirs? Are you willing to drive with the kids to practices, playdates, etc.? Despite all the work it requires to figure this all out, when you find a great family and develop a relationship with them that works well for all involved, babysitting can be the most spectacular job. And MAJOR BONUS: You still get to be with your child all day.

Delivering Newspapers - On Wednesdays I deliver a newspaper called "The Accent" which is the free version of the News-Gazette. This is a fantastic job because it isn't scheduled for you--as long as you get the paper delivered by 7pm every Wednesday you get paid for it. My typical routine is to get up early on Wednesdays and put James in a stroller and do half of the route, (1 hour 15 minutes). Then I put the route on pause, go babysit (which is a stone's throw away from my route) and after my day of babysitting the Mom I nanny for babysits James while I do the other half of the route (1 hour). If I did this all in one chunk, sans kid, it would only take 2 hours. This doesn't pay extremely well since there are very few hours involved, but it is really good exercise!

Now it's your turn. Do you have any [legit] part-time job ideas? Do you have ideas about how to work with your child in tow or finding inexpensive childcare?

The subject of Working Moms vs Stay At Home Moms is a touchy subject and a complicated one at best. At the risk of offending or alienating friends (so sorry in advance if anyone takes it personally--it's not meant to point fingers or deem any mom right or wrong in their life choices) I would like to delve into why I consider myself both a Working Mom (WM) and a Stay At Home Mom (SAHM).

Ahem. [Deep breath.]

I am a WM because I work. Simple logic, yes? Currently I have two jobs: babysitting for a friend in her home and delivering a weekly newspaper (more about that tomorrow). So 4 days a week I work outside my home.

But I'm still sort of a SAHM because, excluding the 1 hour a week in which I deliver the paper sans Sweet Baby James, he is with me every second of the day. (Trust me, I've tried to lose him. He always comes back. J/K of course!!!) So while we may not be physically in my house 24/7, I get the joy and responsibility of being with my child full-time.

Interestingly, many wonderful, caring mamas around me have given me very very different advice about this. Some, like my MommyPal , would tell you that she will make whatever sacrifices necessary to be at home with her little ones and working is not an option for her. She values spending as much time as possible with them and being the full-time educator/nurturer/cook/etc. for her family. On the flip side, a former boss told me that she truly felt working full time and having her kids in daycare is the only way to go--she felt fulfilled, her kids loved daycare, her husband was happy, and she never felt like a "tired, old mom."

Just so you know, there is middle ground too! A very wise, seasoned Mom that I crop with has told me that she is a better mom when she works part-time. And she has been blessed to have her husband watch her children while they were very young and then taken them to preschool part-time when they were a bit older. (She also highly recommends teaching college courses as a mom job--she found that she could teach while the children were taking their naps and then be done in time to pick them up afterward so she didn't miss any of their day!)

In case you don't know/couldn't tell, I tend to fall into the "staying at home is best" mindset, but at the same time I want more for myself. That's right, I'm not lying to myself and pretending it's all about James. It's not. You see, there's this lofty ambition tossing about in my head that my mortgage will be paid off in 2020. That's only 11 years away, and we've only been paying on the house for 3 years. The idea of being 36 years old with a paid off mortgage makes me swoon. How crazy/awesome would that be?

Call me a Dave Ramsey fangirl if you must, but it's my dream. Toby and I haven't been the best with money, we've made our share of mistakes along the way. (We've even had credit cards before but *shhhhh!* don't tell Dave!) Currently though, we have no debt other than our mortgage and we have 2 months living expenses saved up in case Murphy comes to visit. That's a great start--but we can do even better! We are willing to work hard in order to pay off our mortgage FASTER than we have to, because the payoff (thousands of dollars in saved interest, financial freedom, psychological benefits of being out of debt, etc.) is totally worth it.

At the same time, this is a challenge because I want to be with my child as much as possible. I want to teach him what I value and believe. I want to spend as much of his day with him that I can because he will be off to college before we can blink. Hence, my quest to find part-time work that will benefit my family financially without sacrificing too much of my precious time.

Tomorrow's blog post: Mom Jobs.
Jobs that I have tried, others I might be willing to try. Your experiences and input welcome!

No, this is not a picture of me. But I feel this way far too often. It is one of those days where I want to pull my hair out. Sweet [Sour] Baby James has been quite the character. Not really worse than usual, but a pickle nonetheless. The sweet darling [little monster] has only had a 20 minute nap today. Even though he is really tired, he just refuses to go to sleep.

In typical clingy fashion, he would not let go of my leg as I dangerously cook dinner. (One of these days the hot olive oil on the stove is going to spill or pop James and I will feel horrible.) Every single time he has to be in the car he screams bloody murder all. the. way. to. our. destination. My head is going to explode.

But, you may be thinking, there is a bright light at the end of the tunnel! Bedtime is not so far away and surely this child will fall asleep easily since he is so tired.

I say to you: HA! You've never met James.

...that store does save me money. Big time. I learned a few years ago that I must wear Asics sneakers to avoid nasty shin splints. But the $100 price tag freaks me out.

Enter: Shoe Carnival. Thanks to BOGO sales, coupons, a club membership card, and special holiday sales, I just can't avoid this most annoying retailer of shoes.

Yesterday's trip produced a really nice pair of Doc Martens for my hubby, a new pair of Asics for me to dedicate solely to running, and a pair of Sketchers for me to wear every day. With tax, the total came to $118.50. To put that in perspective, I might have spent that much for one pair of Asics at the mall.

This week you said your first sentence. "Oh! You did it!" You were so proud of me because I turned on the light switch that you were pointing at. Before this you were screaming bloody murder and I was about to go bonkers. But then you stopped and your eyes lit up and you exclaimed "Oh! You did it!"

You are barely even 15 months old, but you've sure hit that milestone month where everything happens at once. You scoop up yogurt and feed yourself, to which I exclaim, "You did it!" You are starting to help pick up toys and put them away in their containers. "You did it, James!" We sing together, play silly games and I watch how your mind is developing so quickly. Today you told me you had to poop and then you pooped in your potty. "You did it! You pooped in the potty!"

When I tell you that you are Mama's big boy, you say "I baby!" But I have to disagree. You are becoming a big boy and I love watching you grow.

Hugs and kisses,
Mama

James has a different personality than the majority of kids I've encountered in my entire life. I wrote about this before, and it is still very true that James is a high need kid. At 15 months old he still does not sleep through the night. He still screams frequently throughout the day, especially when he has to be confined in some way (like having a diaper put on, being buckled into a car seat, being locked out by a baby gate, etc.). James is intense and not very compliant.

Becoming a first time mom is tough. Adding a high need child to the mix can push you to the brink of insanity. It is almost like keeping a terrible, awful secret. I constantly feel pressure (from myself and from society) to smile and say "Oh things are just perfect!" rather than truly admit that some days are filled with desperation. There are the nagging fears that maybe James is autistic or has some other type of disorder. Sometimes the doubts settle in that I wasn't really meant to be a mom.

Browsing the web, I stumbled across the blog of another mom with a high need child. She writes about her struggles, highs and lows in such a raw, honest way. It leaves me in tears and also helps me feel...less isolated. I long for a high need support group. Wouldn't that be awesome? Of course, with all our children running around screaming at us, we wouldn't be able to talk to each other. But at least we'd all be together. And we'd understand.